To beat work stress, is there any M-word you wouldn’t try? You’ve meditated, been mindful, spent as much time ohMMMM-ing as you have on Zoom calls; you even ditched your mocha for matcha. So, are you feeling zen – or still tense, hunched over a to-do list and wondering why your boss never, ever takes a sick day?
Well, the solution is in your hands. Actually, make that hand. Because the word in the toilet cubicle is that a masturbation break could have the benefits of the above – only faster, cheaper, and with a smile thrown in for free. But could – should? – we touch ourselves at work? According to a Time Out survey, 39% of us do so, and since the pandemic, that number is on the rise.
That's why one women is actually offering 'masturbation breaks' to her employees for half an hour every day, in a bid to relieve pandemic stress plus normalising self-pleasure in the process. Erika Lust, an indie adult filmmaker in Barcelona, told Jam Press: "I value my employees and I know that when they feel good, we do good work. With the pandemic and the huge shift in how we live our lives, I began to notice that my employees had become somewhat agitated and were performing with less energy than before.
"So, knowing that there’s only one thing that will make everyone feel good, I’ve set up a private masturbation station for them to enjoy."
It seems to be working, too. Erika's employee Cat said: "Picture this: a team of happy employees with their creative juices flowing and being productive because they’ve had some time scheduled to make themselves feel good.
"A masturbation break at work can result in more focus from your employees, less aggression, more productivity and better team work."
Makes sense, given that masturbation is often one of the most effective stress-relievers going. When examining women’s non-sexual motivations for touching themselves, Dr Breanne Fahs, a professor of women and gender studies at Arizona State University, found some women did so purely as a release tool. One interviewee, Cris, 22, likened masturbation to brushing her teeth – it was so deeply entrenched in her daily routine. Other participants confirmed that masturbation “feels relaxing, it relieves stress”; another adding, "I do it all the time because it makes me feel better about myself."
Psychologist Dr Carol Rinkleib Ellison studied 2000 women and also found that many masturbated in order to relax – or to relieve menstrual cramps. Effects thought to stem from an increase in oxytocin levels when we come.
"I’ve touched myself in the work toilets a couple of times when I was working late and got to the point where I was so stressed and low on morale that I needed something to keep me going," 32-year-old Nat tells GLAMOUR. "I'd be mortified if anyone at work knew, but I have a really high sex drive and masturbate there a few times a week," adds Lynsey, 31. "For me, it's the quickest (and cheapest!) way to relieve stress on the job."
So, is masturbation the new workplace escapism? Could you handle sitting on a still-warm toilet seat knowing what the person before you had been up to? Does it send interpersonal boundaries into all kinds of murky waters? And the nuts and bolts question: could you stay aroused enough in a loo cubicle to see it through to completion? I mean, do we really need more #workgoals?
But after the year+ we've been through, when our work lives have been turned upside-down and stress levels have reached boiling point, two words come to mind: 'Why not?' BRB, just off to the masturbation station for quick self-love sesh.
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