Mikey Returns, Samantha Dumps Joe

On Sunday’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise, we almost felt a little sympathy for Joe as he spent the entire time following Samantha around like a lovesick puppy, threw himself a romantic birthday dinner and then got dumped.

But then we remembered that Joe fully established himself as this season’s villain and realized we don’t actually feel bad for him at all.

JJ Got to Play the Hero and He Loved Every Second of It

As always, this week’s rose ceremony had its fair share of drama. Once all the predictable roses were handed out (Tanner‘s rose went to Jade, Kirk‘s went to Carly, Joshua‘s to Tenley, and Jared gave his to Ashley I.), it was JJ‘s turn to pick a girl. JJ had recently gone on a date with Megan that had gone really well – but knowing that Juelia would be going home that evening in the wake of the Joe-Samantha drama, he was also considering giving her his rose to keep her around.

Of course, being JJ, he couldn’t go out without a bang – instead of saving Juelia or choosing Megan, he decided to give his rose to Ashley S. (who was also on the chopping block since Dan had recently broken up with her and was now hooking up with Amber). Then JJ announced that he would be leaving the show to hopefully get back together with a girl he had broken up with before arriving in Mexico. (Spoiler: It didn’t work out.)

“I defended what I needed to defend, I stood up for what I believed in, I spoke my mind,” said JJ as hilariously dramatic music played, giving him a soldier’s salute as he departed one battlefield of love for another. “I hope that people learn that I love, that I care, that I’m selfless and that I’m courageous. I didn’t find love but I found myself. Tonight the rubber meets the road. Time is of the essence. I feel like I’m rolling the dice.”

As he exited, he can be heard asking a producer: “I didn’t say anything to like, make myself seem stupid, right?”

What a character. You will be missed, JJ.

Mikey and His Man Bun Are Back

With JJ gone, the only person left who could save Juelia was Dan, but Dan ended up giving his rose to Amber, sending Juelia and Clare home in the process. Juelia cried (she honestly must be crying in about 90 percent of her air time this season), said her goodbyes and walked out – right into Mikey‘s arms.

Mikey and Juelia had flirted a little bit on the show, but Juelia ended up giving her rose to Joe last week and, in doing so, sending Mikey home. Earlier in the episode, she had told host Chris Harrison that she regretted her decision to choose Joe since he basically used her to stick around, and she asked if there was any way they could bring back Mikey.

Everyone in the group except Joe was ecstatic to have Mikey and Juelia back. A perfect summary of Mikey’s return, courtesy of Dan: “They wouldn’t let him get on a plane, he made a pitch to come back and be with Juelia, and he’s here to beat the s— out of Joe.”

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While Joe does end up getting destroyed, it’s not at the hands of Mikey but instead his beloved Samantha – but we’ll get to that.

Jade and Tanner Made it Official

This week ABC pulled out all the stops when they flew Jade and Tanner on a private plane for an overnight date in Tequila, Mexico.

Tanner said he can’t imagine spending a day without Jade and told her he’s falling for her. Jade feels the same and the two decide to “officially” be boyfriend and girlfriend.

It’s almost too cute to bear. They are adorable and seem so genuine. Pretty please can they live happily ever after?

Ashley S. and Nick Were Very, Very Drunk

Nick from Ashley Hebert‘s season of The Bachelorette arrived in Paradise and immediately asked Samantha on his date. Samantha (who was with Joe) said no – much to Nick’s surprise.

“I’m seriously shocked, especially because she told me she’d say yes,” he said, revealing that he and Samantha had talked on social media, through text and over the phone before the show started. This sounds all too familiar since this is exactly what Samantha did with Joe.

After getting turned down by Samantha, the only logical person Nick can choose for the date is Ashley S. since she’s the only girl who isn’t currently paired up. The two were supposed to spend the day on a private island, but that date got canceled due to an incoming hurricane, so they headed to a hotel for some luxury spa treatments instead. (Side note: Watching them trying to communicate in Spanish with the guy who drives the boat was absolutely hilarious).

In what’s got to be my favorite date of this season, Nick and Ashley S. started pounding shots of tequila immediately upon arriving at the hotel.

“I was drunk the whole day,” said Nick in an interview later on. “By the time nighttime came around, I was just obliterated. Hammered drunk.”

The two got massages, massaged each other, swam in the hot tub, fed each other strawberries – all the while Ashley S. could barely piece a sentence together.

We don’t know where these two stand by the end of the episode, and Nick definitely noticed Ashley S.’s curious tendencies, but I’m hoping the onion queen will stick around for some more great television.

Jared Broke It Off with Ashley I., Tears Ensued

It’s been a while since some good old-fashioned Ashley I. drama. After Jared (with whom she is completely obsessed) kissed her at the last rose ceremony, the two had almost no contact, and Jared decided it was time to call it quits.

“She has much stronger feelings for me than I have for her,” he admitted. He also revealed that he still wasn’t over his Bachelorette love Kaitlyn Bristowe.

While Ashley I. was heartbroken, Jared proved once again that he’s a good guy for being honest and ending things instead of just using her for her rose (cough, cough, Joe.)

Joe Got Dumped on His Birthday

Speaking of Joe, things really took a turn for him this week. He kicked off by apologizing to the entire group at the beginning of the rose ceremony for his behavior with Juelia, while Samantha watched in innocent silence (she also blatantly denied any wrongdoing when confronted by Tanner and Jade).

“Samantha isn’t taking any responsibility right now, and that’s fine,” said Joe in an interview. “I can be a man in this relationship and step up to the plate. I feel like at the end of the day, I’m her guy and she’s my girl.”

Oh, how mistaken he was. Joe then spent the entire day – which also happened to be his 29th birthday – following Samantha around, but by the middle of the episode, it was clear something had changed for her.

Nevertheless, he decided to plan an intimate birthday dinner for himself that evening, complete with champagne and a cake. Samantha sat down, took one look at the spread and immediately broke up with him.

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Unsurprisingly, Joe didn’t take it well. As Samantha was off telling the rest of the group she’d ended the relationship, Joe sat down with Joshua and plotted his revenge.

“I’m thinking, ‘Bitch, you told me to do whatever it took to get a rose to advance until you got here,’ ” he said. “There’s 700 text messages that we had in a month. As soon as she starts to hear that I have my phone and I’m getting text messages, she’ll squirm.”

“Samantha is the reason why I’m in the position that I’m in and being f—ed over by everyone in the house,” he continued. “I think it’s time to put some stuff straight. Clear the air. There’s no way she’s going to get around this subject, I’m going to have cold hard facts.”

“I’m going to be like, ‘Got you, bitch!’ ” he said gleefully.

Looks like the Joe-Samantha saga isn’t over yet, even with Juelia out of the picture. Villains gotta vill, after all.

Part two of this week’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise airs Monday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC, followed by Bachelor in Paradise: After Paradise, a live one-hour show at 9 p.m. ET.

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